They say that the union of the five senses in the sexual field makes strength. Or, more than strength, in the case of intimacy, pleasure.

Yes, living (us) with all the perceptions that come to us from the organs that allow us to know the environment – let me get technical – enhances the experience, although many times we do not think of actively involving them.

There are those who prefer the power of a look and those who prefer, instead, to taste that free buffet of flavors and textures that is the body of the other.

In theory, it is said that women and men prefer one or the other over the other four. And, a survey on my Instagram among my followers confirms what they say is the sense that excites us the most.

The ear is the one that serves as a warm-up, yes, but also a trigger to trigger an orgasm. And it is the sense that is repeated the most times in the answers in different ways.

Here are some ideas:

«Whispers in my ear», «speak sexy», « dirty talk» , «tell me what they would like to do in my ear», «hear him moan», «call me by my name»

Second place is taken by the looks , representatives of the view, as a meeting point between the participants, but also to unleash the voyeurism that we carry inside, seeing first-hand the pleasure that the other person feels.

«Intense looks», «make eye contact», «look me straight in the eye», «look into my eyes and see how he is enjoying himself madly.

In third place are the bites , a mixture between taste and touch, which represent that line between pleasure and pain that many of us walk with pleasure and even ask for more forcefully (and to test the answers).

“Bites”, “bite me and bite”, “bite me in the neck like heavy” , “bite erogenous parts”

Outside the top 3 of the classification are caresses , linked to the pure and hard sense of touch, but more subtle, to take us to a state of mindfulness , being able to connect even with the most delicate touch on the skin.

«Soft touches» , «travel with the senses the entire surface of the skin», «to caress me»

But the stimulation of the nipples with the mouth in any way is also highly voted : “Let them eat my nipples”, “let me lick my nipples”.

My followers also highlighted the connection, oral sex, kissing on the neck (and other erogenous parts), masturbation and communication as factors that lose them in bed.

So now that you know… What are you waiting for to warm up your voice?

Don’t call it ‘polyamory’, call it cheating or what it is not to be in an open relationship

A few days ago a friend told me that today’s kids “were terrible” after hearing two talking about their open relationships .

Basically what they did was be in a relationship with their girlfriends while they had sex with more women without them knowing.

Something known as ‘non-consensual non-monogamy’ or, as most of us know it, ‘cheating’.

It is interesting that even the band Veintiuno describes something similar with a stanza from the song La vida moderna .

You call the usual cuckolds polyamory

The conclusion seems clear, part of the population (and I don’t even tell you if you ask those who were born before the 70s) automatically associates ‘polyamory’ or ‘open relationship’ with adultery.

I understand that, going from monogamy, the quintessential queen of couple relationships, to a stage where new models of being with another person have opened up for us, the beginnings can be confusing.

In addition, it is difficult for that connection -wrong, by the way- not to occur between the terms if there are people who call what they do something that is not at all.

But that’s why it’s important, as basic as it may be, to review what an open relationship is and isn’t (and why the guys who talked about their ‘open relationships’ at the beginning of the article couldn’t be more wrong).

A relationship is an agreement between two, three or whatever people. This agreement must be taken freely and with the commitment to respect it by all parties.

So ‘monogamy’ is the agreement that sexual and emotional intimacy is lived with only one person.

Everything that comes from there -trieja, non-hierarchical polyamory, swingers , polyfidelity, relational anarchy…- is what is included within the ‘ non-monogamies’ .

The agreements here are more complex for the simple reason that the more people, the more emotional management and therefore more communication and logistics in order to organize.

But once established and respected, the operation is just as good and satisfactory as in monogamy.

Here it comes in that, in all the forms of relating that I have listed, the members that belong to them are aware of and consent to that being the relationship.

On the other hand, when not all members agree and other ties are deliberately hidden, it is what could be defined as infidelity or breach of contract .

Regardless of the agreement we choose, honesty and ethics have to be a fundamental part of it.

And although monogamy is as valid as the others, we must be honest and not exempt ourselves from responsibility for (bad) actions , pulling out of our sleeve a term whose definition is not fulfilled at all.

Because if monogamy doesn’t suit you, there are endless alternatives.

But lying, letting the other person down, and feeding undeserved negative fame to non-monogamous relationships along the way shouldn’t be one of them.